The 5 Friends Every Single Needs

Being single isn't the same as being alone or lonely. But it doesn't mean you need just one other person to "complete" you, either.

THE TRAVEL COMPANION

Without the built-in vacation buddy of a romantic partner, you're still going to want to share this fun: the planning, the pictures, the avoiding the rip-off of "based on double-occupancy" fine print.

THE EMERGENCY CONTACT

Is this your roommate? Work husband? Or even your closest sib (geographically-speaking). When trouble comes a knockin', who you gonna call?

THE ACCOUNTANT

Part of coupledom is having built in checks and balances. Flying solo means it's that much easier to let aspects of grown-up life get out of whack. Getting your financials in order? Keeping up with preventative maintenance on your car, your pets, yourself? This friend knows what time it is. While the title may be metaphorical, the encouragement to focus on the big plans is real.

THE WEDDING DATE

Also known as The +1, The Seat Filler or The Is That Your...? Afraid you'll get seated at the kids table at Thanksgiving, because everyone else is coupled off and they want an even number? Charming, amiable, energetic dancer? This is the friend to call.

THE CONFIDANT

A best friend, a soul-sister, your brother from another mother. Whatever you call this friend, they'll be there. In fact, WHENEVER you call this friend, they'll be there. Whether you've known each other since childhood or it just feels that way, you know the bond you have can't be broken by physical distance, a genuine political disagreement or even a session of really ugly crying.

BONUS: THE AIRPORT PICK-UP FRIEND. If this isn't an alter-ego of one of the friends above, well, just find one. There's really nothing better than being greeted at the airport by someone who can spell your name correctly on a cheesy sign.

The "This is Not a Dating Blog" Post

As a single, single, single lady, I notice that a lot of the "single" opportunities, advertising, media mentions out there are really about ending my singleness, not celebrating it. If you don't know, there is even a television show out there with the same name as this blog - #he Singles Project. This Bravo production could just as easily be named the Hook-Up and Marriage Project.

Are all singles just mindless dating machines? Do we actually do or think about anything except the next hook-up? My God! If you cut us, do we not bleed!?

Along these lines, I wanted to pull a Top 10 list from Google to prove my point that all that is out there for/about Singles is dating websites and blogs. I was pleased to see that I've taught my Google better than that. Here are the Top 10 links I got back on my search.

Dear Google,

Tell me about "single."

Love,
Betty

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Betty,

Got you covered, kid. I think you might like the following:

1. Meetup.com local singles group.
2. Wikipedia page for: single (music)
3. Datehookup.com
4. Google map of local businesses that somehow relate to the search word, for instance, Nanotechnologies.
5. Seattle Times article: "Sorry, guys, Amazon's not why you're single."
6. Dictionary.com definition for single.
7. Yelp search page for: How's the single life in Seattle?
8. Seahawks Single Game Tickets.
9. "The High Price of Being Single in America." (theatlantic.com)
10. "In Defense of Single Motherhood." (nytimes.com)

Love,
Google

PS. You might also enjoy: "Being single and lonely are not the same thing." (slate.com)

~~~~~~~~~

So, in the spirit of my own approach to singleness, I propose that 2015 is about more than just dating or who to date or complaining about not having a date. If you've been reading, you'll note we rarely discuss this aspect of our lives anyhow. A single life is a full one, full of fashion, friends, family, finances, fun... as well as the other f-word it is usually associated with.

<3 Betty <3

I'm Not Better Than Your Ex

Am I really better than your ex? If we're dating, I should hope this goes without saying. You know, because I'm here now and, you know, there's a reason (or 500) that he/she isn't.

So, what's with pointing out that your new beau is "so much better than my ex"?

I've had my fair share of dramatic reactions when I've heard this phrase in the past. I even got into a fight with a boyfriend, because his mother said she thought I was better for him than his ex (yes, his mother!). And why do I get so mad when receiving what was clearly intended to be a compliment? Well, because it didn't really feel like a compliment.

I know what my boyfriend's mom meant. She liked me and thought I made her son happy. Oh, and she was jonesing for some grandchildren. But why didn't she just say that instead of reminding me that she still thinks about his ex?

Which is the real deal here. If I'm dating you, I don't want to think about your ex. In fact, I want you to be so into me that you don't even think about your ex. The good, the bad, or the ugly.

I want to warrant a warning label on my torso: Side-effects of having your mind blown by me include excitement, intense PDA, and localized amnesia.

Regardless of whether or not I'm truly capable of inducing a sexual-romantic fugue state, there are so many things better than comparing me to your ex. Here's a few suggestions for what you might really mean to say. Try one the next time you're tempted to compare a romantic interest to She (or He) Who Must Not Be Named.

10 Things That Are Actually Compliments

1. You are amazing.
2. You're beautiful/handsome/sexy.
3. You're brilliant.
4. You're crazy (in a good way).
5. You are hilarious (in a "so bad it's good" way).
6. I'm so happy we're together.
7. I can't stop thinking about you.
8. I have so much fun with you.
9. Thank you! (for doing the dishes, joking around with my friends, or just being generally awesome)
10. Or literally any other compliment that is 100% about you.

You are amazing and special and, yes, even a beautiful fucking butterfly. Who you are and what you can bring to this world is beyond compare.

You deserve to hear that. And so does the person you love.

<3
Betty

She said She said - And why are you still single?

Hello Singlicious People...

Welcome to She said She Said.  We are choosing to tackle on those plaguing questions I know everyone wants to know the answer to.

And why are you still single?


Well... Because I am.  I'm not sad about it, I certainly don't regret my decision and I enjoy my fantastic life as a singleicious babe.  Lets keep it real.  I do have options, but I just want to make sure I make the right choice for me.   I've been in several relationships, some worked for a while and others didn't. I have a true sense of myself and I have a clear understanding of what types of personalities I am compatible with as friends, lovers and acquaintances. I know me, I know what I want out of a partner and I don't set any expectation that I cant accomplish on my own.



"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on" - Steve Jobs


T

How Single?

From the Vault! I started writing this post in 2012, but never hit "publish." Now that I've returned to my natural state of being single (I blame entropy), I concede that this line of thinking is as relevant as ever.

Let's take a peek at this time capsule from inside my brain.

_____________August 2012_____________

A dilemma. On the one hand I have found myself in an honest-to-God relationship. On the other, I still feel like I have relevant things to say in this blog. This makes me wonder - how single is "single"?

I guess it depends on who is asking. I don't mean anything sleazy, like "it depends" on how hot the guy is who is asking. I'm not talking slip-off-the-ring-and-let's-get-a-room kind of "it depends."  It's a serious contemplation on the nature of a relationship.

And a prime subject for a quick quiz!

1. Describe your weekend plans:
A: (bonus points if Netflix and ice cream binges are involved. Que cliche?)

2. What is your living arrangement?
A: (key swap, cohabitate, or are you the ruler of both sides of the bed?)

3. Your relationship status on Facebook reads:
A: (single? it's complicated? no comment?)

4. Are you single?
A: (do you really need a quiz to tell you this?)

5. Has someone "put a ring on it"?
A: (if yes, you really, really don't need a quiz to tell you this)

What questions would you add to this list? In your book, how single is "single"?

~Betty

Vulnerable

Helpless, powerless, susceptible.... These are some of the words that describe one of the strongest trait a person can have.  This is because being vulnerable means releasing the rains to unexpected possibilities.  In theory, we want to be certain that the end result has some kind of benefit.  But as we know life is never certain nor predictable.  So why should we set these expectations on taking a chance?

You know that change you've been dreaming about taking whether it be finding a new job, asking a crush out on a date, asking your boss for a raise or simply taking up a new hobby.  In order to start this new endeavor you know that this particular decision is susceptible to failure or success. Our fear of being helpless may have had a hand in declining certain adventures or our reluctance of releasing power may have hindered other's to invite new ideas to a joint project that could have improved it.  Fear of vulnerability has made it so we either set aside our dreams or simply not take action.

I like to believe that all of us were naturally born with this characteristic of being vulnerable.  When we were young we were fearless ninjas, queens and superheros.  Our imagination took us where ever we wanted to go and anyone who was around joined in without question.  We embraced ourselves to new ideas and experiences and with one simple question "will you be my friend" we had a million friends on the playground.

So what happened?  When did we all stop believing we could ask for help or take a chance to experience something out of our realm of possibilities.  Why are we so guarded?  Why does it take a natural disaster to help out a stranger in need?   I think the world would be a better place with us accepting our failures and championing our success with the foundation of vulnerability.  Recognize that moment in yourself when you say "lets do it" then follow through.  Don't be scared of failure but embrace it because without the challenges of life you wouldn't be able to walk the path you were meant to conquer.  Our hearts are a symbol of love, peace, acceptance and wisdom.  So tell me why don't we use them to make our decisions and become a better society.


"If you tell life what it has to be you limit it.  If you let it show you want it wants to be.  You'll open doors you never knew existed."



T

10 Signs You're Ready for Anything

Are you ready for a relationship... with yourself? Before inviting company over, you gotta make sure your house is in order. Clean out the emotional cobwebs, fine-tune that laser focus and KNOW you're ready for whatever comes next.

How you're doing ready, the right way.

1. Articulate your worldview. You know who you are and what you stand for. Your beliefs and values are clear to others through your words and actions.

2. Kids, pet babies and potted plants. What gives you the warm fuzzies and what makes you want to run for the hills? Everyone seems to have an opinion about kids (when, where and whether to have them) and pets (does three cats make me a TLC show?). Happiness starts with self-knowledge and self-acceptance. When you have that, you can smile through the well-intentioned advice and politely respond that you're just fine with the knowledge that you'll never be able to keep a potted plant alive. And, if the time is right, you'll make sure to get on the same page with a potential mate.

3. Your finances are on point. Spending rent money on bottle service might be how Katy Perry do, but the rest of us know that long-term success requires a long-term plan. Got a budget, retirement plan and insurance? With your finances under control you're less likely to cohabitate for the wrong reasons. And you enjoy the indulgences you buy yourself more since you don't owe anyone for your happiness. Not even Visa.

4. Make peace with the past. Our experiences growing up can overshadow our present if we let them. Forgiving family members, old friends and old flames is freeing. Forgiving yourself is remarkable beyond words.

5. Get committed. You know what you want and you're doing it. It could be a professional goal, a relationship or a hobby that you are "too old" to pursue. You know the secret is changing the question from "can I?" to "how will I?"

6. Age is just a number. You're not too old, just ask Betty White. And you're not too young, just Google "Top YouTube Earners." It doesn't matter if 40 is the new 20 or 30 is the new 80. You're here now - keep being awesome!

7. Conflict resolution. You see arguments and conflict as a natural part of life. You take these opportunities to grow intellectually and emotionally, knowing that the best way to squash drama is to handle issues up front and honestly.

8. Love big! You give hugs, make time for the people you care about and say the words out-loud: "I love you."

9. Define your dreams. Do you want to travel the world? Marry your soulmate? Start an online shoe store? Great! Now get cracking on this case like a modern day gum shoe. Be clear about the why as well as the who, what, where and how. Understanding your motivation will drive you to your true heart's content and help you steer clear of imposters.

10. No one is perfect. Not even you. When you make a mistake or struggle with an unforseen obstacle, take a deep breath and forgive yourself. Remember the Diamond Rule: treat yourself as you would like to be treated.

Cheers!
Betty

This list was inspired by Glamour's "10 Signs You're Marrying the Right Person"