Bare naked

Let’s take a moment to appreciate all the freedoms we have by being single.   Starting with small things like picking what restaurant to get take out from or making your own concoctions without suggestions when cooking.  Deciding last minute that you will take a weekend off in another city or staying at home without agenda.  Movie days without compromise and the unquestionable ability to blast Alanis Morissette while vacuuming your living room naked with a bottle of your favorite wine (no glass – pushed the cork to the bottom so you’re totally committed and the shades down so your neighbors don’t see).   

To answer your question:  Yes however no pockets were involved and I don’t smoke…. Now put that judging eyebrow back in its place- Thank you very much!

Not only that… Your married/relationship friends secretly admire this… They especially enjoy hearing about your various escapades. They may or may not be slightly jealous and they've definitely take a few tips from your bag of tricks. Some may have been disastrous but you have got to give them credit for trying. 

Anyway – A point I’d like to instill is that being single is awesome!!!  It’s not a special club where you have to have VIP to get into.  You are your own VIP.   You get the time to know exactly who you are and appreciate YOU.  Honestly I think it makes you’re a stronger more in tune person.  You know your limitations, when to push them and when to call it a night.   You know exactly what you want and will not put up anything less.   

The best piece of advice I can give is to take a moment to enjoy this experience.  I'm not saying that things will deflate when you meet someone but to be a better partner to that person and have more significant relationships when you are ready (of course).  Don’t try to force, prolong relationships or settle on relationships that are nothing more than just available because your heart deserves to be loved and nurtured in a manner that is loving and real without effort.  Don’t be anything but yourself because keeping up a facade is way too much effort and only ends in the truth coming out so why not just be honest from the start.

You are amazing and I will leave you with this quote from one of the best and most informative shows about dating…

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Sex in the City

Lets Be Single

T

So how's your Love life?

This is the question dreaded by most singletons out there any day of the year. It's an innocent question but it opens up an uncomfortable conversation. It's like they are asking "what's wrong with you?" or "I found love, what's your problem?" It's easy to turn this situation around. In doing research, I found some quick tips on how to answer these questions without wanting to kill yourself.

Answer: "I'm good... What's your problem? Jealous much?"

How many of us will actually admit that we like someone? How many of us will be one to make the first move? How many of us will initiate the conversation.... is there a particular way to do it? I've ran these questions past a verity of my friends and the majority speak that neither will do anything. So how is this suppose to work? If you are being courted do you actually catch on to it? Are we so involved with our day to day life that we dont recognize anything outside of our personal bubble?

Back in the day of our grandparents, their parents & so on.... There was a plan for women & men. It was like a road map for your life... there was literally a book and/or schools to teach women what to expect when their suiter proposed and how to conduct your life accordingly. Everything about dating was so closely monitored that no one could make a decision on their own.

But was it really that simple? I'd say not.... too many rules: No kissing on the first date. No holding hands until it's been determined that you are definetly "going steady", dancing must be done with a respectable distance between the two partners, dates must be shaperoned, your suitor must ask permission from the father just to go on a simple date and be home by 9pm. Oh... and lets not forget: NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE :(

But that is why I am so glad to be living in this century. I can listen to sad depressing music and quickly change the channel as I desire. I take the liberty to tell a man "Hey, you're kinda cute, wanna hang out?" without going through any legalities. I can explore different areas of this world and not be expected to make dinner when I get home. Superwoman by day and sally homemaker by night. Instead, I can take a sip of this exquisite wine called life without judgments.

Valentines Day Challenge.... Do What the Fuck you want because you CAN!!! Dont feel like there is something wrong with you simply because you are single. Take a stand and recognize that you know exactly who you are and arent afraid to take on the world by yourself. If you let someone special join then that's all good. Understand that you have control over your corner of the universe and can choose to decorate it however you'd like. Love yourself, love your family & friends. Love your surroundings and smile every single chance you get. Cheers to you my friends... Wishing you a perfect Valentines Day.

I hope its will be just the way you want it.

T

Movie Night Lessons: The Holiday

This weekend the gals of TSP had their own ladies' night movie session headlining The Holiday.  This aptly-named seasonal flick stars mega-chicks Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet as two ladies who decide to swap homes for Christmas to avoid the naughty men in their lives.  In doing so, each gets to set free her inner awesome and meets a more suitable partner in love.

Close observance of the female leads' behavior upon meeting their new paramours yields the following flirting tips.  Here are TSP's Movie Night Lessons, courtesy of The Holiday:

1) Ask a man you've just met if "there is something in my eye."  This will require that he move in very close to take a look, just to be a nice guy.  What he doesn't realize is that this puts him in optimum range for a sexy almost-kiss.  Opportunities for gazing longingly into his eyes also increase.  Double points if you can blame it on the Santa Ana winds or another phenomena that connotes an "anything can happen" magic. Gotcha!

2) Drunk men respond well to direct requests for sex.  Double points if the man is the lonely, single-father, uber hot, husband-material brother of the owner of your squat house.  He will then fall desperately in love with you, even though he initially comes across as philandering cad.  Deal sealed.

TSP gives this chick-flick two thumbs up.  Enjoy with good friends, chocolate, and a couple bottles of wine!

Cheers!

Betty

Three Date Weekend

I was all set for a three date weekend.  Not exactly an avalanche of men, but enough to make me feel like I'm giving this dating thing a good old college try.  Here's what went down:

Date #1: Nice enough guy, I suppose.  If he could relax enough to actually be interesting.  I think we had a good time together, because I love it when I have things in common with guys I'm talking to.  Like finding out that we both like talking about my favorite thing: ME!  Okay, so we weren't just talking about me, but I was completely driving the convo.  Aside from following me down the rabbit hole of whatever I wanted to discuss, I managed to unwittingly make him explain an awkward sitch.

Said topic requiring explanation? "Why I live with my mom."  His explanation seemed to indicate that mom lived with him, not the other way around.  In general, I'm not sure that I'm against adults sharing a home with a single parent... I've known several people who have done this, at least for awhile.  What did bug me was that he was so uncomfortable with the whole situation and nervous about what I'd think.

Now, fellas, I actually love it when you care enough about what I'll think that you do things like show up on time, laugh at my jokes, and make sure to smell nice.  Ah, freshly-showered men.  What I'm not a fan of is a lack of confidence.  Of course a date with me should make you a little nervous.  I'm awesome.  By the same token, you should be awesome enough to make me a little nervous too (gosh, he's so cool, I hope he likes me!).  And you should know just exactly how awesome you are.

So, no love connection there.  On the plus side, our bartender was adorable and fun.  Had to leave that as a minor flirting incident, since I decided it would be tacky to slip him my digits while clearly spending time with another guy.  Or is that fine in these modern, sexy times we live in?

Date #2 & #3: Called on account of me feeling under the weather.  Hung over, you say?  Bygones. Those are being rescheduled and I'll report back if there's anything good to know and tell.

TTFN - Hugs and puppies,

Betty

Open Letter to the Suddenly Single

I have a few friends who have recently ended comfortable LTRs and are making their way into the world as freshly-minted singletons.  For all of you out there who find yourselves similarly suddenly single, this open letter is for you.

Dear SS:

Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Singles.

As someone who deeply cares about you and your search for happiness... you know, like... as a friend, here is some free advice.

1) DON'T be a tourist.  Some of you just coming out of relationships have a tendency to behave like tourists, like being single is this quirky thing you do while slumming it until the big relationship break comes along.  As serial monogamy goes, it's not a bad angle.  And I'm sure you will be back where you belong with a gal or fella on your arm in due time.  Meanwhile...

2) DO enjoy the ride.

3) DON'T be ashamed of being single.  Or online dating.  Or speed dating.  Or blind dating.  Or hitting on chicks in the grocery store or guys in a club.

4) But DON'T feel like you need to tell everyone in your life every single detail about your online dating, speed dating, blind dating, etc.  Not only does that often bridge the chasm of TMI, but there's also no reason to set yourself up to hear criticism from Negative Nelly's.

5) DO commiserate, share stories, hopes, and disappointments with good friends and those who understand.  Just because you're single, doesn't mean you have to do this thing alone.

6) DO take the time to put yourself first, spoil yourself a little and attend to the things you thought you'd forgotten or outgrown while you were busy putting the "u" in "us."

Love,

Betty

P.S. Are you "Suddenly Single?"  Thinking about making a career out of it?  Going for a Guinness Book Record? What are your DOs and DON'Ts for keeping your single sanity?

Love, Candy, and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

I was reminded this weekend of how important it is to do things you love... or things you think you will love... or things you think you might.  This applies to hobbies, it applies to adventures, and it applies to big-L love.  Oh, and candy.  You can never have too much candy!

Well, actually you can.

But you should definitely have some.

When I think about Halloween movies and the tales that scare us most, it seems that many of them include regrets. People or demons come back from the past for revenge or to take back what they are owed.  While I don't expect I'll ever live out the experiences from films like Paranormal Activity or Saw, I do have fears.

But are my biggest fears regrets about what I have done or what I haven't done?  For me, I tend toward inaction when I'm unsure.  I wait, watch, research, contemplate... until the door has closed, the opportunity has passed, my chance of epic failure has gone the way of the buffalo.  But what is lost then becomes equal to what could have been gained.  What about the job I missed out on, the loving relationship I never got the chance to create, or just the bragging rights of having accomplished something so daring or crazy or unbelievably weird as ___fill in the blank___?

What is the personal tipping point that will get me past my fears?  I've tried lists of the New Year's Resolution variety.  I've had moments of inspiration, where I felt like I could go out and take over the world.  I've tried to hold myself accountable by dangling a carrot of "when I do this, I can have that."  All of these attempts have shown promise, but none are a consistent way of moving myself forward.

The trick is to keep coming back to the question of what is important to me.  If I revisit this topic on a regular basis, I won't be able to stray too far from the path I truly should be on.  And when I'm following a path dictated by this internal compass, I will know that I am doing what I want to do, that I am striving for the life I most desire in my little heart of hearts.  If I can see the goal in plain sight, I'll be more likely to take the risks I need to take. And I'll be easier on myself for the little missteps along the way.

As a very wise woman once said:

"Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!" ~ Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School Bus).

After all, if we don't take chances, we will never know what we're capable of.  And what could be scarier than that?

Wishing you an over-flowing bowl of candy this Halloween!

-Elizabeth

Decisions... Decisions...

I've tried an organic approach to dating but that is really not working out. We all have our electronic bubbles around where ever we go. Think about it, we are so engaged in our smartphones, ipods, nooks, Kindles and ipads etc... that we dont look up to see what's around us. I myself find that I'm listening to pandora as I go grocery shopping and dont notice the totally hot guy with a t-shirt and jeans that perfectly shape his hot round ass trying to decide what type of pasta noodles to go with broccoli, spinach and smoked salmon that are in his basket. This would have been a perfect moment for me to point out the penne pasta while shooting him a quick wink and a sweet smile. Then ask him what he's cooking and for whom, eventually hinting him to make dinner at my place while I prepare dessert :). Instead, I'm listening to 80's music trying to refrain from belting out the lyrics to bohemian rhapsody...(come on peeps, dont pretend you dont do it yourself) anyway, it's time to take myself out of that bubble and get out there. I am banning my headphones from the grocery store and the bus (except for the morning... nobody wants to talk to me at 6am... trust me) I will make eye contact with hotties that pass by me as I walk down the street and maybe even throw out a two syllable "Daaaaummn" if it's warranted.

I'm also starting an online dating venture, I've posted my photo, created my profile and included a little tease. I can now say that for now I figured out exactly what I want because it was choosen for me. haha, I was literally applying for a home loan in 20 minutes but I am proud to say that its done. I've sent my winks, my pokes and a couple smiles. I've sent a couple hello's and hey how ya doin's now it's just a waiting game to see which of the "chosen ones" will bite. So stand-by one and we'll see how this expedition works out.

T